Monday, September 14, 2009

Why

Remember how kids ask "why" before everything they do? I feel like "becoming like a little child once again has taken on another meaning in my life. I have been working through Gospel Transformation an amazing devotional. I have been seeing how messed up my heart motivation and thought life really is. I have started to ask myself "why" every time I think about how I want something or even when I am doing something good. So often it feeds off of the two biggest lies that humans believe. 1. That God is not all sufficient. We need something other then God to satisfy. 2. That we are not good enough as we are. We must hide who we are or change ourselves. For example when I go to the store and I want to buys something such as clothing, I ask myself "Why do I want to buy this?" My answer may be, because it will make me be more fashionable or that others will see me in a different way," I know that I am believing these lies. Sometimes I will even be doing something nice for someone and again I will ask why and realize I might be doing this to make myself look better or try to gain status as a "good" person. I may be the first to answer a question and realize I am doing this to pretend to be more righteous then the others. I have really loved to ask the "why" question. It has made me so much more aware of my sin. Sounds like it may be depressing? Actually as I confess these things in the moment to the Lord I feel more at peace because I know that God forgives me. I also feel closer to the Lord as I keep talking to Him in this way and I feel more at peace as I remember I am loved and forgiven by the one who is constantly with me. This process has made me so much closer with the Lord. I know I have so far to go in being pure in all my motivations and thoughts but what joy to walk through this hand in hand with the Lord!

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Oil

Life is so busy. This past week I have been thinking about some of the past times in my life when I have experienced the beauty and joy of the Lord. My mind remembers peace. Some of the time it was beautiful skies with fall tree lines and brightly colored leaves as far as I could see, sometimes it was listening to the rain and thunder outside as my window was open, and sometimes it was just walking and listening for His voice. I love hearing His voice. Sometimes it seems so hard to hear Him. This week I have been longing to experience Him in this way again. Business seems to take this away. The Lord brought me to Matthew 25:1-13. This is the story of the 10 bridesmaids who are waiting for the Bridegroom. They have oil in their lamps and as they are waiting they fall asleep. Five of them had brought extra oil and five of them had not. When shout came in the middle of the dark night only 5 of their lights had enough oil. The other had to go buy more oil because they had not been prepared and in the end could not enjoy the wedding feast because they were not prepared when the bridegroom came.
I was thinking about how this applies to my life. As I live my life and pour myself out on others I know that I must take time to fill my oil to overflowing so that I will be always be ready and burning brightly for my Lord when He comes. I know that I cannot pour out on others when my oil is low. This is the meaning of life! I am in waiting to experience a full relationship with the Lord. As I wait I must take time to let Him fill me up. Resting in Him and enjoying Him is what fills up my oil. This is essential to enjoy life and even be useful to Him as I am here on earth. This is my purpose. To enjoy Him, the oil that He gives me and be a light to all who are around me. How beautiful!
I was listening to the song Matthew 25 by Misty Edwards. I love this song! It goes through the story and explains every part in detail and how it relates to our lives.

Jesus you are the oil in my lamp. I need you and can never get enough of you. Fill me up to overflowing so that I can enjoy you and share you with others. Speak to me Lord. I thirst for you!